I’m Not Going Back Into the Closet
by Jared Dubin
When I grew up, in the 90s and early 2000s, representation of queer folks was minimal, and mostly limited to gay men. I had an easier time than many “coming out,” but it was still a significant struggle that kept me lying about myself, even to myself, until I was 19. Up to that point, a significant portion of my life was a lie.
One key reason I stayed in the closet was because I did not know how to identify. Visible examples of queer people were very limited, specific stereotypes that I did not generally fit. And although tolerance was preached, “don’t ask, don’t tell” was still the attitude that won the day.
A lot has changed since then. It is beautiful to see the powerful progress that has been made. It has been both validating and vindicating to see queer folks represented in media and living public queer lives. It has been music to my ears: the call that is resounding louder and louder over the last couple of decades, beckoning all of us to come out and be who we are. I prefer the term queer because it is all-encompassing and inclusive. It means deviation from the oppressive norm. As rigid and regressive norms continue to shatter, we are seeing just how queer so many of us really are.
What we have called normal is actually a cultural construct, rigidly and even violently enforced. I dream of a world where no one has to “come out,” where the implicit assumption of “straight until proven otherwise” disappears and everyone gets to simply be. A world where we dispense with the rigid labels altogether and stop making such a big deal about what gender folks identify with, what genitals they have, and who they sleep with. It’s weird! Mind your own damn business!
And yet here we are. A false narrative proclaiming “protect the children” has spread like wildfire among conservative extremists and is now gaining traction in the mainstream. But protect the children from what? Examine the complaints carefully and you’ll see this is nothing more than a boogeyman being used to drum up political support and set back people who have at last been given a taste of freedom. But I’m not going back into the closet.
This rising fascist ideology insists that “the woke left” is sexualizing kids and indoctrinating them into being queer. The sexualizing claim is wild and there is little proof that any such thing is going on. It stems largely from a misunderstanding of drag culture as something solely sexual, and even worse it implies that queer identities are inherently sexual and thus need to be censored. Why is a queer identity sexual, but not a “straight” one?
How can we be forcing gayness on a child if they read a book with two daddies, or see two women kissing in a movie? Did I not grow up witnessing only heterosexual love and romance, promoted across all media from the time I was only a small child? Was not almost every beloved Disney movie about some princess and prince? If witnessing all that didn’t make me straight, I promise you a little queer education and representation is not going to make anyone gay.
What it WILL do, and what these people are so afraid of, is give their children permission to be themselves. And in doing so, it may turn out that a lot of queers are being born where they aren’t wanted. And that’s a hard thing, most of all for the children who are forced to hide who they are in order to keep their families, and their access to safe food and housing. Or the ones who can’t or won’t hide, and lose everything. The number of homeless queer youth in the USA is astounding and disgusting. For a movement that claims to put children first, they seem to turn the other cheek at a good deal of child poverty, neglect, and outright abuse.
So I’m all for it, “the gay agenda,” if that’s what they want to call it. Let the kids be queer if they want to. Sexual identity and gender, these things cannot be taught or conditioned. But they can be forced and enforced, and for generations in this country that is exactly what has been done, to the detriment of us all. Let the kids be who they are, and let them see a beautifully diverse world of adults that they can grow into. Let them see a future for themselves, or the world becomes a bleak place. And things can look bleak enough these days as it is, what with climate change and the housing market being what they are.
The best way to protect our children is to make them feel loved, supported, and seen. If we want to protect them we need to talk to them, we need to know what is going on in their lives and world. They won’t talk to us if we don’t let them feel free to be themselves. By erasing pride, by erasing queer people from the public eye, you are not protecting children. You are endangering them by making them feel isolated, outcast, and alone.
Massive turnout in support of the library and queer folks.
The offending display. Does any of this seem sexual or harmful to you?
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